I dated Warframe's sexy devil, and it led me down a dark path

Warframe is an opaque game; an outsider might say that it looks like a robot ninja looter shooter, whereas the wise gamer laughs knowingly at all the secrets hidden under the surface. So you’re going to have to trust me when I tell you that 1) Warframe has a dating sim and 2) one of the romantic options is an evil devil who has committed basically every war crime. Obviously, I chose to pursue him over the alternatives. After reaching the end of the road in our relationship, I came to a dreadful realization: This motherfucker played me like a fiddle.

I’m going to skip past a lot of the preceding lore here, because Warframe is one of those games with novels’ worth of backstory, but here’s the necessary context. The Orokin are a far future society that achieved science so sophisticated as to be magic, including effective immortality via body transfer. The Orokin were decadent to the point of self-destruction, and by the time Warframe’s story begins, the empire has long since fallen for their hubris. The evils of the Orokin are revealed over time, but they would fit in nicely with Warhammer 40K’s Aeldari.

The Orokin Empire has crumbled, but a few stray survivors show up here and there, largely as antagonists. Roathe is one of the survivors of the Orokin empire, and he escaped when a mad scientist kidnapped him, injected him with devil juice, and took him back in time and dropped him off for rehabilitation with an 1800s-era nun and priest. When the player meets these characters, known as the Devil’s Triad, that process isn’t going very well. Roathe is entirely unrepentant and his wardens, Lyon and Marie, have basically given up on him.

Because this is a time travel story, I talk with these characters every day on my 1999 PC, on board my spaceship. I immediately decided to date Roathe over Marie or Lyon, because I’m not attracted to piety and Roathe is an intriguing man. Yes, he’s a war crime connoisseur who enjoys pissing off everyone in his vicinity, but he’s also intelligent, philosophical, and provocative. Final Fantasy 14 sickos may recognize his voice actor René Zagger from his performance as Emet-Selch.

Here’s what makes romancing Roathe particularly tricky. He has a hidden thermostat mechanic that’s affected by your conversations. If you regularly encourage him to seek forgiveness, work on himself, or confront his past deeds, the thermostat rises. If you enable him and help him avoid that introspection, the thermostat drops. This sounds pretty simple! Just choose the right, nice options, and Roathe will turn into a good boy.